Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Surviving an Affair.

If you have to erase messages, email or numbers because you know your spouse will not approve or it will upset them, then you have already cheated, emotionally. Emotional cheating is worse, sometimes, than sexual cheating. To CHOOSE someone over your spouse. To work at hiding the affair, is harder than walking away from starting the affair and working to save your marriage. If you worked as hard at saving your marriage as you did at hiding the affair, you wouldn't be in the situation. The cheated spouse may have suspected long before the affair began, that they were losing their spouse, so they shut themselves off. Meaning, why work at something if they don't care enough to be there. Staying away for long periods, for unaccounted hours or days, looking for excuses to be away, has shut the cheated spouse off from reality. A deep depression sets in. They throw themselves into something where they feel appreciated, loved or admired. They put there whole selves into something, to feel that emotional connection, to hide the pain and sadness. The cheated spouse often finds an alternative to cheating, even when given the chance. They often throw themselves into a hobby, hovering over their children, or other family members or obsessing about their work. If deciding to keep the marriage together, The cheated spouse often feels they need to overcompensate by prostituting their integrity and forgiving too quickly. Not making the cheating spouse earn the trust and respect back. Thus, leaving the cheating spouse to feel invincible. They can't be touched, they can have their cake and eat it too. The cheating spouse will often end the affair, not because they want to, but because they got caught. They will wait for a better time to continue the affair. The affair will most likely continue if the cheated spouse let's their guard down. The cheating spouse felt a sense of entitlement. They were driven, they were drawn, they were lured, they were pushed. The cheating spouse CHOSE to cheat. It doesn't just happen. They chose to continue, they chose to hide, they chose to lie, they chose to choose SOMEONE else over their spouse. They absolutely meant for it to happen or else it wouldn't have happened. A one night stand is completely different than a sexual and emotional affair. The cheated spouse feels defeated, unloved, undesirable, and unwanted. It causes, sometimes, physical or emotional illnesses on the cheated spouse. The cheated spouse will often beg for forgiveness when in fact, they are being played. They are being made to believe what they did was the DIRECT cause of this affair. The cheating spouse continuously put themselves in the situation of a potential affair. Each time an omitted or false statement exited their mouth. Each time they had an excuse for their actions.