My Reality

~~~~~Tracy Collado Detrick Feb, 2011

I try not to watch those reality shows. To me, Survivor is my very small business trying not to get swallowed up by those huge conglomerates that treat consumers like they are stupid. Amazing Race is trying to beat the deposit of that store rent check to the bank before it posts. Bachelorette, is a 14 yr old holding hands on my couch with her beau. American Idol is a 12 yr old trying out for the middle school musical. Real World is a six yr old starting speech class because he can’t say L's, R's and has a lisp. Heroes is a husband who has to put a bullet proof vest on everyday to go to work, to try and keep the streets safe from lawbreaking scumbags who have no concern for anyone but themselves!! And Where I come from, Housewives don’t act like they do on TV. They're too busy wiping the chocolate off of a 6 yr olds face while practicing his letters. It's consoling a 12 yr olds heart after only getting a background part. It's keeping an eye, yes, keeping and eye on a 14 yr old holding hands on the couch with her beau, and it’s  kissing her own personal Hero goodbye as he heads off the relieve the guy before him at the department.  And dancing with the stars is sweeping my little Bubba off his feet in the kitchen while we are making brownies that will be gobbled up in five minutes. And singing like no one is watching all the while a nine year old dog, who sometimes thinks he's a puppy, then realizes later that he is not, jumps and barks to the music. That's my little dose of daily reality!!!

 ~~~~~Tracy Collado Detrick July, 2013

How my life has changed in those two and a half short years. I still don’t watch those reality shows. We no longer play the Amazing Race with our business rent check, because the bad economy has shut down our business. Bachelorette no longer is played at our house. My girls are much too busy with sports, work and volunteering to have boys on their mind all the time. After two broken hearts, they have decided to play Survivor and make it on their own. Thank God. American Idol is still alive and well, as my now almost 15 yr old, is our families entertainment, followed closely by my almost 9 year old. The Real World has settled in with a diagnosis of Asbergers and dealing everyday, with his reality, is a show in itself.  I still watch my Hero leave the house everyday, in his bullet proof vest, to go and relieve the guy before him to protect and serve the people that have absolutely no respect for them and the law. But now he does it more tired and more cynically and is more resentful of people and life around him. He has seen too much to be the happy go lucky guy he used to be. He has been hardened with that life; in turn, it has hardened me. It is a struggle each day to stay positive in a world you work so hard to change, but see no change in sight.  We no longer even discuss Housewives, not that it was ever close to my life anyway. I am in the work force; once again, if that’s what you want to call it. Hey, I am contributing. That’s all that matters, right now. I am still wiping chocolate of my 8 ½ yr olds face, I am still consoling my almost 15 yr old after not getting a part in the musical at all or a solo in the competition, even though, if you have ever heard her sing, you’d think the chorus leader was off his rocker!!!  She is The Voice of our family. And now I am carting my almost 17 yr old to Runway practice, work, photo shoots and her friend’s houses that have stuck by her after all that. We still dance and sing like no one is watching while making brownies that we know will be gobbled up in five minutes. All the while my 11 ½ year old dog jumps, still forgetting he isn’t a puppy anymore, but doing it with our new family member, our adopted Pit. My reality isn’t ideal, but it’s mine and I wouldn’t trade it in to be a Millionaire.

 How is so turned upside down! The Amazing Race is waking up a 14 year old 20 minutes before the school bus comes to pick him up as he says do I have to go? I hate school! No one likes me’ what happened to the no bullying in school? Every single morning it’s a Fight and a race. There is no more Bachlorette in this house... my 20 year old joined the Army as the First Female Combat of Arms Engineer in Bucks County Pa and is stationed in Ft Stewart Georgia. My 22 year old daughter has moved out on her own and is doing her own thing. And the daughter we adopted in 2014 graduated, joined the Marines, got married, has two kids and is stationed in California. The American Idol has been turned off and repeats in my head because she is on base and I only get to see her twice a year when she is on leave. Survivor is still alive and well as I am dealing with an affair that went on for three years off and on that even though I found out about it, I happened again and again and was fighting for my marriage and my family. And can’t put it behind me no matter how hard I try.  This is my Real World a 14 year old without aspergers and ADHD without a single friend in the world. I’m not kidding it breaks my heart that my beautiful boy doesn’t have a friend. And I still watch the husband who used to be my hero, leave the house in his uniform, no longer wearing that bullet proof best because it doesn’t fit. But  now, I do it more cynically and wonder what he does in breaks, who he sees while he’s working. But now, I’m just cynical. Not caring or sad or mad. Just cynical and apathetic.