No one wants me around

So, as you know my son was diagnosed with Aspergers a few summers ago and a few months ago with ADHD. We'll, we knew it was coming shortly after the Aspergers diagnosis. It just wasn't all adding up. There was more to it then JUST Aspergers.  The impulse control, the social issues, the calling out, the no friends. No one wanted him around. No one understands him. He tries to hang, they push him away. He gets angry and acts out. He acts out because he is unwanted, unloved and invalidated. They actually make things up about him to keep him away. And because of his "issues" most people just say, it's you Bubba, you're the problem. Not them, not understanding him, not their immaturity, not their ignorance. It's not their job to understand or accept him. You can't force people to deal with or accept another person.  So, we finally resorted to medication because he fell behind in school. I never wanted to be one of those mothers who medicate their kids and turn them into a zombie. I always thought children diagnosed with ADHD just needed their ass beat. Until I met my own son. But this med was the opposite. Three weeks on meds and we notice, his counselor notices, his teachers notice. He has a chart in school and the marks go to 14 in the  and 14 in the pm.  The marks went from 1's and 3's to 13's and 14's.  So, we think wow, this is a miracle. But this is not without mishaps. Today at my nephews birthday party. It's all going fine when all of a sudden my nephew comes upstairs and says, "you gotta do something about Bubba, he's hitting my friends and spitting on them." Holy Crap, my son is hitting strangers and spitting in them. How horrible. Shocked and appalled, I run downstairs and grab him and get him out of there. He tells me over and over that he didn't do it. That he was just asking over and over again if he could play the new video gaming system with them but they were ignoring h and when he was getting upset they were laughing and making fun of him. But who believes him. No one. I take him home. And go back to get my other children once I settle him down. In the meantime, the friends don't know he leaves and they call his name in a very strange voice. Why, if you don't want him around, why, why, are you calling his name in a silly voice???? To rile him up again, so he can get in trouble again? What the fuck is wrong with people?  He is a little boy. Not a circus freak!!!!!!!!!  People feel sorry for me.  Don't feel sorry for. I understand him. You don't and choose not to. They want to know why he can't sit still!!! They wonder where his impulse control is. It's not there. Its his brain. It misfires. I am so tired of explaining to people. So so so tired of explaining why my son does what he does. The medication can only do so much and it does wear off. All day long he is amazing. One thing happens and it all spirals. It goes to shit!!!! I upset my sister, my daughters and myself. We became topic of conversation after we left.  Tired of my son being topic of conversation. So very tired of it. Im tired of people pushing him away. I'm tired of people's ignorance of autism, Aspergers and ADHD. Until my son was born I didn't believe ADHD existed. I tell you people, it does and it makes him sad, it makes him feel alone and very isolated. He doesn't have a single friend in the world and at age 9, I, his mom, am his only friend. And that's sad. He doesn't feel as if people love him. Especially his only male cousin remotely close to him. How can I explain to my son why his is the way he his. How do you explain to this beautiful, funny amazing boy why he does what he does.  How do I beat it into people's heads that he's not a bad boy and to stop pushing him away.  I think if these children felt understood or validated, they wouldn't feel the need to bother people. They wouldn't have that need because they felt included.  With me blood is thicker than water at anytime. Never treat anyone like shit. Never deliberately embarrass someone, especially your family. Never tell lies about them. Never  turn your back on your family. Always be there for them. Never think of them as a nuisance. But think of them as an amazing, wonderful gift from God. Everyone is different. I bet if you got to know my son, you would think he was a really cool kid. He's smart, he's funny and his vocabulary is large. He understands more than you think. He has feeling and they hurt just as much as yours do when they are stomped all over.

My Reality

~~~~~Tracy Collado Detrick Feb, 2011

I try not to watch those reality shows. To me, Survivor is my very small business trying not to get swallowed up by those huge conglomerates that treat consumers like they are stupid. Amazing Race is trying to beat the deposit of that store rent check to the bank before it posts. Bachelorette, is a 14 yr old holding hands on my couch with her beau. American Idol is a 12 yr old trying out for the middle school musical. Real World is a six yr old starting speech class because he can’t say L's, R's and has a lisp. Heroes is a husband who has to put a bullet proof vest on everyday to go to work, to try and keep the streets safe from lawbreaking scumbags who have no concern for anyone but themselves!! And Where I come from, Housewives don’t act like they do on TV. They're too busy wiping the chocolate off of a 6 yr olds face while practicing his letters. It's consoling a 12 yr olds heart after only getting a background part. It's keeping an eye, yes, keeping and eye on a 14 yr old holding hands on the couch with her beau, and it’s  kissing her own personal Hero goodbye as he heads off the relieve the guy before him at the department.  And dancing with the stars is sweeping my little Bubba off his feet in the kitchen while we are making brownies that will be gobbled up in five minutes. And singing like no one is watching all the while a nine year old dog, who sometimes thinks he's a puppy, then realizes later that he is not, jumps and barks to the music. That's my little dose of daily reality!!!

 ~~~~~Tracy Collado Detrick July, 2013

How my life has changed in those two and a half short years. I still don’t watch those reality shows. We no longer play the Amazing Race with our business rent check, because the bad economy has shut down our business. Bachelorette no longer is played at our house. My girls are much too busy with sports, work and volunteering to have boys on their mind all the time. After two broken hearts, they have decided to play Survivor and make it on their own. Thank God. American Idol is still alive and well, as my now almost 15 yr old, is our families entertainment, followed closely by my almost 9 year old. The Real World has settled in with a diagnosis of Asbergers and dealing everyday, with his reality, is a show in itself.  I still watch my Hero leave the house everyday, in his bullet proof vest, to go and relieve the guy before him to protect and serve the people that have absolutely no respect for them and the law. But now he does it more tired and more cynically and is more resentful of people and life around him. He has seen too much to be the happy go lucky guy he used to be. He has been hardened with that life; in turn, it has hardened me. It is a struggle each day to stay positive in a world you work so hard to change, but see no change in sight.  We no longer even discuss Housewives, not that it was ever close to my life anyway. I am in the work force; once again, if that’s what you want to call it. Hey, I am contributing. That’s all that matters, right now. I am still wiping chocolate of my 8 ½ yr olds face, I am still consoling my almost 15 yr old after not getting a part in the musical at all or a solo in the competition, even though, if you have ever heard her sing, you’d think the chorus leader was off his rocker!!!  She is The Voice of our family. And now I am carting my almost 17 yr old to Runway practice, work, photo shoots and her friend’s houses that have stuck by her after all that. We still dance and sing like no one is watching while making brownies that we know will be gobbled up in five minutes. All the while my 11 ½ year old dog jumps, still forgetting he isn’t a puppy anymore, but doing it with our new family member, our adopted Pit. My reality isn’t ideal, but it’s mine and I wouldn’t trade it in to be a Millionaire.

 How is so turned upside down! The Amazing Race is waking up a 14 year old 20 minutes before the school bus comes to pick him up as he says do I have to go? I hate school! No one likes me’ what happened to the no bullying in school? Every single morning it’s a Fight and a race. There is no more Bachlorette in this house... my 20 year old joined the Army as the First Female Combat of Arms Engineer in Bucks County Pa and is stationed in Ft Stewart Georgia. My 22 year old daughter has moved out on her own and is doing her own thing. And the daughter we adopted in 2014 graduated, joined the Marines, got married, has two kids and is stationed in California. The American Idol has been turned off and repeats in my head because she is on base and I only get to see her twice a year when she is on leave. Survivor is still alive and well as I am dealing with an affair that went on for three years off and on that even though I found out about it, I happened again and again and was fighting for my marriage and my family. And can’t put it behind me no matter how hard I try.  This is my Real World a 14 year old without aspergers and ADHD without a single friend in the world. I’m not kidding it breaks my heart that my beautiful boy doesn’t have a friend. And I still watch the husband who used to be my hero, leave the house in his uniform, no longer wearing that bullet proof best because it doesn’t fit. But  now, I do it more cynically and wonder what he does in breaks, who he sees while he’s working. But now, I’m just cynical. Not caring or sad or mad. Just cynical and apathetic.