1/4/19 So I did it. I left my home I’ve been in since 2004, all because I couldn’t let go of an affair that happened six years ago. The love lost over these last six years, has been unbearable. I could no longer get passed the fact that I wasn’t the first choice. That my husband was with another woman on my birthday, on holidays, when he said he was working or with friends. I could no longer get passed the fact that I was second fiddle for a long time. And the lies and deceit were too much to bare anymore. I was not married to the man I married. I conhabitated with a stranger. I let my child see I settled. I settled for being second best. I let him see that I was ok with being lied to.  I let him hear me cry and didn’t tell him why. I let him see me be a door mat and it was ok. And he never questioned why. He never questioned why I walked on eggshells when dad slept. He never questioned why there was no laughter in our house. He never questioned why mom slept in another room. Now it’s every other weekend and once during the week time with his dad. But since he doesn’t know what happened, I’m the selfish one. I moved him out of the only home he’s ever known, Because I’m selfish. I only want myself to be happy. I don’t care about anyone else. That’s my cross to bare. In due time will he know I did it for him. I did it for us. It’s been two full months since I’ve physically walked away after mentally walking away in April of 2013. That was a long time to stay and hate yourself, hate your life, fake a smile, fake your life.